Bereavement Newsletter
Welcome to this special bereavement-focused edition of the Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief newsletter, produced in partnership with Faith in Older People.
Together, we wanted to explore recent developments relating to bereavement support in Scotland, with a particular focus on some of the support that communities, including faith communities, can provide.
We're delighted to be able to share several insightful blogs from those working in this area, as well as some informative updates about recent developments, and some of the resources and training available. We hope you find it useful.
It’s Never Too Early to Plan for the Future
Jenny Watt, ACP Programme manager for NHS Greater Glasgow & Clyde
At the heart of Anticipatory Care Planning (ACP) is a conversation about what matters to you and what you would like to happen in the future. It can cover a range of topics from where you might live, if you can no longer safely live by yourself, to what types of treatments or interventions you would or would not like to receive, and everything else in between. It might contain information about upcoming life events you are excited about, or who could look after the dog if you became unwell. It might outline certain rituals that bring you comfort, or activities which can offer your mind and soul restoration. Just as every one of us is unique, so too are our plans.
However, the beauty of an anticipatory care plan lies in the fact that it grows around you. As conversations build, as situations change, the plan can adapt to reflect your current thoughts and feelings. And whilst we cannot plan for every eventuality, in times of crisis, when someone may not be able to speak for themselves, these plans can provide certainty and reassurance. It guides decisions by providing a full and rounded picture of a person - their life, preferences and motivations. It helps to answer the question “what would someone chose for themselves?”
So how do you begin to plan for the future? The good news is there are lots of tools out there to help you get started. The NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde (NHSGGC) Planning for Care webpages (www.nhsggc.scot.planningcare) contains lots of information including leaflets and even a template ACP Summary which you can access. However lots of third sector organisations and condition specific charities have their own versions too. The important thing is finding something that works for you and then take things step by step.
First of all, think.
This is the most important part, so give yourself time and space to consider what is important to you. You may also want to think about some other questions like:
Why are these things important to you and what are your motivations?
Who is important to you and how would you like them to be involved in any discussions? This may also lead you to think about Power of Attorney (again lots of information available on the NHSGGC Planning Care webpages).
Where would you like to be at different times in your life? This might be about where you would want to live in future, or maybe about where you might like to be when you die.
And lastly how are things just now? Do you have any health concerns and how are you coping with daily tasks?
There are some other things that you may wish to think about as well, and we recommend checking out the NHSGGC “DISCUSS” Guides for some inspiration.
Next up we need to talk.
This means talking to your friends, family and any professionals involved in your care. By doing this we make sure everyone is on the same page and we all have realistic expectations about what the future may look like.
And finally we plan.
Depending on where you live, different Health Boards will use different pathways and systems to ensure that your wishes and preferences are recorded and shared with other professionals who need to know. If you are not sure what the local process is, begin by talking with your GP or any Health and Social Care teams who you are already engaged with. They should be able to point you in the right direction.
But it’s not just the professionals who need to know. Make sure you also share a copy of plans with family, particularly if they are also your Power or Attorney. Just think, if you were in their position what information would you find useful if you had to make any decisions?
So there we go, in three simple steps you have prepared for the future. And whilst no one knows what lies ahead, at least we have the confidence that whatever may come, we have a guide to help us plan.
It is better when we work together
Jennifer Somerville, Bereavement Co-ordinator, Scotland, Child Bereavement UK
When you, or
someone you know, is bereaved it is a bewildering time. There are so many
things that happen at the beginning that need attention. It can feel completely
overwhelming.
Bereavement
challenges us in many ways, including physically, cognitively and spiritually.
It is a period often of much adjustment and can often be intensely difficult to
navigate.
Often when we
are bereaved it is a time where we need support. There are lots of ways in
which we might give or receive support when someone is grieving. When someone
is first bereaved there is often a lot of support offered in lots of different
ways – bringing a casserole, shining shoes, offering to look after the children
while things are sorted out.
Often cards and condolences are sent and our grief is acknowledged. However, after a time this support seems to stop – we feel like life has moved on around us and everyone has forgotten our intense pain and feeling of being ‘lost’.
Grief is lifelong, it changes us as people and we have to learn to accommodate it, and keep accommodating it in different ways at different times, but we don’t get over it and we aren’t cured. We continue to need the support of those around us.
Most of us will cope with grief with the support of family and friends – especially when those people really understand our ongoing needs and the ups and downs of our grief. Sometimes though we might need a bit of extra support – and this in itself can be really challenging. Finding the right support to fit our needs can be really difficult – sometimes it is so difficult we give up looking. That’s where the work that we have been doing at Child Bereavement UK comes in.
Since 2015 Child Bereavement UK has been building local bereavement networks across Scotland. There are currently 12 local bereavement networks. These networks exist so that there are opportunities to support each other, learn together, have knowledge about the services in an area that can support those who are grieving and lots more. There are significant challenges to signposting – but the networks really help give information about all different aspects of support that can be beneficial to people who are grieving in a particular area. The aim is to have a ‘no wrong door’ approach – which means if you are looking for support, whichever door you knock on means you should get to the right support for you.
Local bereavement networks in Scotland
In the last two years we have brought together all the local networks, by having a National Network Event. This has allowed organisations to come together from across Scotland – to network, learn and share good practice to help to further continue to close the gaps in support and widen out the meaning of what bereavement support is, and how it supports those who are grieving. Our aim is to continue to work together to make sure that those who are grieving get the right support at the right time.
Some of our learning from our National Networks
If you are interested in joining a local network, or learning more, contact me directly to have a chat. You can contact me at: Jennifer.somerville@childbereavementuk.org
Child Bereavement UK also has lots of training opportunities available across Scotland, and further afield, and I would be happy to chat through options and provide more information around this.
More information on all our work in Scotland can be found here: https://www.childbereavementuk.org/scotland-development-project
Churches & Bereavement Friendly Communities
What are Bereavement Friendly Communities?
Communities are bereavement friendly when individuals, businesses and organisations work together to support anyone in their community who has been bereaved. Death is part of life but is something we can't learn how to deal with in advance. Bereaved people often just need to talk, have their loss acknowledged or simply know that their loved one was valued. Whether or not we have had training, we can all provide a place to talk and listen. Whether you are a hairdresser, pub landlord, postmaster, part of a church or school or just a neighbour, help make your village or town a Bereavement Friendly Community. A death in our community is a loss to everyone.
How churches can contribute
Being bereaved can be one of the most difficult times in life, and the grief journey can be long and arduous. It can impact in the weeks, months or even years after a death – and even before, when someone is dying. But if understanding support is found, most people will learn to navigate their loss and come to a healthy place of new meaning and hope. Bereavement also raises spiritual questions and can leave people wondering about the goodness and existence of God and the afterlife.
Churches are in every community and are well placed to provide the support that is needed. That's why AtaLoss launched the Loss and HOPE project in 2020. The timeliness of the project launch, just as the pandemic was starting, has given churches the opportunity to lead the way in the provision of bereavement support in their communities.
How churches are providing bereavement support
The aim of the Loss and HOPE project is to equip churches across the UK to become more bereavement friendly. This is being achieved through
1. Training
* Bereavement Care Awareness (how to support adults)
* Listening People (how to support children and young people affected by loss)
* Bereavement Friendly Church webinar (for church leaders and pastoral workers)
2. Resources
We have developed a tool called The Bereavement Journey - a six-session programme of films and discussion where people can process their loss in groups with others who have experienced bereavement. The Loss and HOPE project provides the materials, the training and the support that any church will need to successfully deliver the programme in their community. Find out about The Bereavement Journey HERE
How can my church get involved?
More and more churches are becoming involved! Have a look at the map HERE to see churches already delivering The Bereavement Journey across the UK. More details about each course can be found in the bereavement services section of this website. The materials can be acquired from the dedicated website HERE. They can be used for running The Bereavement Journey face to face or on-line.
AtaLoss also runs a national on-line The Bereavement Journey course three to four times a year which we use as an opportunity for churches to get their teams trained in readiness for running their own course. And on-going, our Loss and HOPE Project team, provide support and advice. Contact the Project Manager if you have questions.
For more information about the Loss and HOPE Project and the resources available go to the website HERE.
The Loss and HOPE project is managed by AtaLoss but is a coalition of organisations who feel passionately about churches of all denominations across the UK being equipped to provide bereavement support in communities. Members of the coalition are AtaLoss, Care for the Family, the Church of England and HOPE Together.
Acknowledgement
This Newsletter, devoted to bereavement, was compiled by Rebecca Patterson, Maureen O'Neill and Mary Wilkinson. We thank all the contributors for making this publication so wide ranging and informative.
For further information please contact either:
Rebecca Patterson: Rebecca.Patterson@palliativecarescotland.org.uk or
Maureen O'Neill: Director@fiop.org.uk
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